Well folks here's what's been up. I retired from film reviewing for a short while to focus on my on my one true passion; screaming in Icelandic at paserbyers from my bedroom window while violently masturbating. Anyway, I'm back, and boy do I have a treat for you. I may or may not have performed fellatio on Harvey Weinstein and gotten my hands on an all-inclusive Newport Beach Film Festival pass. So here it goes:
FIVE STAR DAY
"Five Star Day" directed by Danny Buday opened the festival and I had high hopes, seeing as the festival had previous years opened with "Crash", and "500 Days of Summer" . SGuy loses his job, girlfriend, and car in the same day! Snoooor... Then he tries to disprove astrology to make a point to his ex. Snoooor... Then he finds love again in an unexpected place snoooor.... Nice character arc but everything in between was illogical and retarded. C, rent it maybe, or don't, I don't fuckin care.
DARK HORSE
"Dark Horse" (short), directed by Marc Furmie. This was grouped with several shitty shorts. This story follows a taxi driver and a prostitute through a uniquely unpleasant evening. As much fun as it sounded I thought it was gonna be another goddamn version of taxi driver, but this was pretty enjoyable, and casting was magnificent. The cinematography was refreshingly well done and it was nice to see a short shot in 35mm. If you have the chance, be sure to catch this little number. B
BURNING PALMS
"Burning Palms" (feature) directed by Chris Landon. This is the one. If I could only recommend one film in the festival this would be it. "A subversley comedy satirizing well-known stenotypes of Los Angeles......" this had everything; it's hilarious, it's heavy, and it's royally fucked up. This covers just about every social taboo in 90 minutes and leaves the viewer wanting more. It's a must see. Get ready for butt sex, child abuse, incest, rape, racism, suicide and an umbilical cord mystery. This was so popular it actually screened twice after the buzz created after it's initial premier. Keep an eye out for this, I hope it gets he theatrical run it deserves, and I if doesn't then buy it on DVD. People will love or hate this; there is no middle ground on this one. A-
DERAILED
Derailed (short): This was phenomenally bad. I'm pretty sure it was shot on a handycam jammed in someone’s ass. This would have been more acceptable if this short included a story worth mentioning. This had some cool sound design but not enough to make this worth entering in a festival. This was shot in standard def in low light and it had more artifacts in it than a hookers snatch. D
DRONES
Drones (feature):fucking awful, I'm not gonna talk about it. Don't see it. Sam Levine was there in person and I didn't stay for he Q and A after because I genuinely didn't care. D
The Wild Hunt (feature): fucking amazing. If "Burning Palms" was my favorite film of the festival, this was a close, close second. So these dudes wait all year for this renaissance festival where they pretend to be Vikings, Elves and warriors, and they take it super serious. So our Hero's girlfriend goes to one of these events and he has to go and win her back, until things go wrong. This dark film has a lot of laughs, but ends up heavy as shit. This is like lord of the flies with adults, with appropriate violence to accompany these characters. As a huge fan of the ultra-violence, I am more impressed when it is used appropriately, and this is an amazing example of that. The casting was probably the best I've seen in the festival and the cinematic choices made this an all around good movie. This will inevitably be on DVD but if it gets a theatrical run don't miss it.
SNOW AND ASH
"Snow and Ash" (feature): This was like if you took parts of Full Metal Jacket, The Deer Hunter and The Killing Fields and made something really mediocre. This felt like a near miss, which is unfortunate because it had a lot of potential. It had some fantastic scenes but as a whole it didn't hold together. The soft-focus-racking that accompanied the main character waking up was a creative touch; unfortunately it was overused and eventually became distracting and ejected me from the film. C
GREENER
"Greener" directed by Hannah barnwick. This is impressive on it's own, let alone for a student project. Based on a personal experience, this is a creative short about a girl at a crossroads and is really boiled down to a clean, tight little short. It strongly and symbolically encapsulates a highly relatable position that makes the viewer empathize and connect with the lead. A.
You can find the trailer here: tranzparentpictures.com
REFRESH
"Refresh" (short) directed by David Orr. I was able to meet the director of this and was super intrigued due to not only my raging sci-fi boner, but also because it was shot exclusively on the canon 5d Mark II and I wanted to see how it held up on the big screen. The opening shot must've taken some serious gear to set up, with a slow, upside-down pan across a ceiling and slowly rotating down. Unfortunately the rest of the cine was atrocious and story was lame. I think they used mostly natural lighting, which could've worked, but it just didn't. The 5d held together nicely on a theater screen, but it just didn't have a story or a director of photography to take advantage of the opportunities. C-
CHINESE ANTIQUE
"Chinese Antique" (short) directed by Ryo Shiina and Bassem Wahbi: This was a student project that was really impressive. It's a "coming of age" story with some subtle humor following a kid getting a job at an antique shop with a "FOB" Chinese man. Definitely see this if you have the chance. B+
THE WINDOW
"The Window" (short) directed by Ryan Spindell: This was defiantly inspired from a famous fairy tale. And although the ending became apparent early on, it was still an enjoyable little short. B
ASBURY PARK
"Asbury Park" (short) directed by Robert Anderson: this was so close to being amazing. It had this great subtlety to it, which had me hook, line, and sinker. Unfortunately they proceeded to pound your face in with it, and it became just like everything else. C+
I DO
"I Do" (Short) directed by Adam Smalley: uuuggghhhh. I left during this. I still have no idea what the fucking point was. Unless it was a brilliant surrealist film that's goal is to irritate the viewer, if so it was a huge success. D? C? Who cares, NEXT
CHILD OF THE DESERT
"Child of the Desert" (Short) directed by Malachi Rempen. This is an amazing surrealist short out of Chapman University about a man battling some inner demons. Definitely don't miss this, not only was it one of the most impressive shorts not only in its showcase, but one of the best films in the festival. A
THE GOOD HEART
"The Good Heart" (feature): directed by Dagur Kári. This was cute as hell. A grouchy old man meets a homeless kid and doesn't molest him. Quite the contrary, he takes him in and tries to teach him to be just like him. This has some fun characters, some laughs, and some tragedy. This was probably the most mainstream, marketable film I've seen so far. This will end up with at least a small theatrical run, plus Magnet looks like it's got the DVD distro rights. Watch the trailer, and if you think you'd like it, you probably will. B
ELEKTRA LUXX
Elektra Luxx (Feature) Directed by Sebastian Gutierrez. This had a ton of hype and largely good reviews. It's also about a pregnant porn star, so I decided to check it out. First of all, the potential of a dramatic comedy about an aging pornstar is damn near infinite. This was a letdown, it was shot like a made for TV movie, and sometimes cine was distractingly bad. This was totally meh all the way across the board, and it left me bored as shit. Also for a movie about pornstars, I think it's an unwritten rule that there's gonna be some knockers in it. Really? Nigga please, this could have been rated PG. What a waste of an awesome concept. Skip it. C+
Chameleon (feature) Directed By Krisztina Goda This is a film out of Hungary about a con man that gets hired as a janitor and sifts through rich peoples garbage to find his victims. He's totally capable of adapting to his victims needs and taking advantage of them until he meets his match. This was probably the best-written film of the festival: with our hero trying to maintain 4 different "altar egos" each needing something from a different victim in order to take advantage of the next one. Let me tell you, you could cut the tension with Lexington Steel's erection. Characters were impressively three dimensional, and dialogue was natural and quirky, even with the language barrier. Check out the trailer, and then go see it. A
AIR DOLL
"Air Doll" (feature) directed by: For some reason the entire line for this was compiled of elderly people this concerned me. Anyway as far as Japanese movies about sex dolls are concerned, this was a little different. It seemed to make a good point and conclude at about the one-hour mark. It proceeded to shit all over this previous conclusion for a much different concept. I honestly have no idea how I feel about this. It had some amazing scenes, and rad concepts, plus the lead actress was amazing, but in the end it felt… unorganized.
Always thought this band was pretty swell. Have a couple of their 7"s and their first LP and liked their take on the gloomy Portland sound of legends like The Wipers. This record sounds more involved, the instrumentation sees more intricate and though out. The contrast between this and their last LP is like Richard Gere falling for the whore in Pretty Woman; at first he wanted some company and some poon tang, but now he wants to treat her right and invest his patience and time. Although the music seems more intricate and darker, this album just didn't grab me like the first one did. No songs really stand out but I mean it's not bad, it just seems more like a record I would put on in the background while furiously searching for internet porn that does not contain anal. Good tunes, good production, just something missing, I think the first record did the gloomy punk thing well by also incorporating hooks. This record "The Subliminal Man" just ends up not being as entertaining as "Cinderella Man" or nearly as enjoyable as "Juwanna Man". I will say however that it's far better than "Family Man".
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1283887/
