Avatar

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0499549/

Well guess who's back in the motherfuckin' house, with a fat review for your motherfuckin' mouth. Avatar has to be one of the most hyped films of the decade. James Cameron's sci-fi record is unmatched and impecable: Terminator 1 & 2, Aliens, and the Abyss- which all featured revolutionary CG technology. So now here comes Avatar. A $500 million dollar film with revolutionary 3D, and a brand-spankin-new form of motion capture. I went to the midnight premier, along with every mouth-breathing world of warcraft addict in the tri-county area, and here's my review 24hours later.

Heres the deal folks. Ima break the review down into two sections, the visual, and the story.


Visually- 5/5 it really is a new kind of 3D and it looks amazing. Undeniably phenomenal in Imax 3d. Revolutionary technology, and yes you can tell the difference.

The Story- I walked into the theater wanting to love this movie. But holy fucking hell. What a pile of shit. Are you fucking kidding me Cameron? I thought we were cool, man. Remember when we had common goals? You had the formula down- Bill Paxton + Violence = Classic. This movie was basically like Cameron was like- "Hey, let's mix all the shitty parts of the Matrix, with Ferngully, and stretch that into the framework of a 2 and a half hour version of the Ewok fight from Return of the Jedi". You fucking cunt, you made titanic and it went to your head. Hellen Keller could have written better dialogue. And seriously, there's a reason why Sigourney Beaver didn't do jack shit after the Aliens movies. OK, ok. Maybe I'm being too harsh. But the film is like... nothing. It's like eating unflavored tofu- yeah it's food, but why the fuck eat it? The movie is predictable start to finish from the trailer. Did you see the trailer? Do you kind of know what it's about? guess what? you're right! Exactly that happens, who'd of thought? And what the fuck is with the pg13 rating? Gotta ensure that mass appeal right? The only good part in the whole movie was that apparently the Thundercats ride on birds by raping them.

When the steamy pile of shit that is Terminator Salvation came out, I was like, "awe man, Cameron could have made this amazing" but no, now i don't think he could have. I trusted you Cameron. And you told me you loved me, not directly but I could tell by the way you made your movies. Then you took $16.50 from me. Good luck making back your $500,000,000.00, you fucking dick. Maybe you should have written a better story in the 15 years you spent making this. You know what the worst part of this is? The George Lucas parallels, that's what hurts the hardest. 2009 is the year that James Cameron died and Neill Blomkamp was born. And the universe is one again. Now if you'll excuse me, me and my high horse will be leaving.

2.5/5- you've seen this movie a lot of times already, if you're gonna see it, watch it in 3D. If not, you can afford to miss this.

-eddie

no links unless you want a cam, and if you're the type of person that can stand to watch cam rips, you're probably exactly the type of twat that would like Avatar. And i hope you die.